Ahhhh... Maps. I love maps

There is a lot of detail in here, and even though it looks too complicated to be useful, I don't think it is. Actually, it makes pretty good sense in many ways. It's an attempt to address the pieces. I really appreciate the effort here. Thanks.

An Internet Marketing Map

Guitar things - Bohemian Rhapsody

An adaptation of Bohemian Rhapsody for classical guitar and some post performance navigation of the fingering. Pretty good stuff.

Ikea - Cool concept, but bad phone strategy

I had a good time exploring Ikea. The concept is interesting. A new angle is something that appeals to me. I bought some stuff, had it shipped and put it together. What money I saved, I contributed in labor and in the end, I think the value wasn't all that much better than what I could do using more conventional channels.



The labor side was complicated by a missing hardware satchel and a couple of missing parts. I was quite surprised to find that there were actually problems in this area. I mean you would think this is a sensitive subject and a well understood "moment of truth". The idea of taking stuff home (sometimes far away) and putting it together is considerably less appealing if you're not confident all the pieces will be there. I still like the approach. The process was pretty cool. If it hadn't been for the missing stuff, I would have been jazzed.



When I discovered my missing bits, I called. It was a useless effort. The automated phone system was horrible. The menus were multi-layered, repetitive and clumsy. It took me several minutes to find a place where I was on hold for almost 15 minutes. When I finally got someone, she was not helpful. I could open up a "case number" and a manager would contact me within 48 hours, or I could come to the store (70 miles) and they would get me my parts. I asked to speak to a manager and was put on hold. 10 minutes later I gave up and planned to drive back to the store the next day. After all, I had this stuff spread out all over the place in mid-assembly. I wasn't going to wait 48 hours for a "case number" and a manager to contact me. I guess I was hoping for "We're terribly sorry. We realize this sort of thing is frustrating and disappointing. Let's go over what you are missing, find out what we need and get these parts overnight express delivered to you." Okay - maybe that was expecting too much. Still, I was bugged by the fact that I had to drive back to the store and find the missing pieces.

When I arrived at the store, I received prompt (I think I caught them at a good time) attention and I had my bits in under 30 minutes.

The Ikea store, the products and the concept are pretty sweet. I guess in the future I'd give them the benefit of the doubt on the frequency of missing components, but I discount the total notion because of the potential for assembly aggravation (read: missing bits). Also - putting the stuff together loses its charm after an hour or so. Next time I consider Ikea I'll properly account for my labor (allowing more time than you might think).

I would strongly suggest a different strategy on the phone. This was a complete failure. Come on Ikea - fix the thing. You can do it.

Barnes & Noble vs. Amazon.com

Barnes & Nobles wants me to pay them $25 each year for a "membership card" that will get me 40% off Best Sellers and 20% off most of the other stuff. They also toss point of sale discount stickers on many new arrivals and other titles that are not in the top ten. For some reason, they seem to apply the sticker so that it covers part of the title or subtitle - just to annoy me.

So, if you don't buy their membership, you pay $25.99 for a $25.99 list price book. If the one you want happens to have a 20% off sticker on it, you can pay $20.79. If you do buy their membership, you can pay $16.37 at the store on on their website. I'm not sure how they do the math. That in itself is annoying. Hey - $16.37 doesn't seem like a completely raw deal. If you buy several books at once, the BN pitch starts to make more sense. If you buy $125 worth of books, the membership will pay for itself. At some point, provided you are a prolific consumer of books, it's not the worst deal ever.

I don't want to carry your card around with me. I have enough baggage. At the very worst, you should give it away for free. I'm not even sure free is cheap enough. You should pay me to carry that thing around. It might make sense at some point, but it tastes lousy having to pay.

So I locate the same book at Amazon.com. It takes me a few seconds and I can find it by entering the title: part of the title (only one word will work) or the author, or even one of the author's other titles (let's just say it's easier than hunting around the store). The $25.99 book is $15.59 right up front at Amazon. Gee, that's a curious amount. 40% off the original $25.99 represents a discount of $10.40. This would suggest that the BN member price should be $15.59 just like Amazon. But it isn't BN is $16.37 for members - such a deal. Oh and you still pay for shipping.

Well anyway, if you use Amazon with any frequency, it's not hard to figure out how to get free standard shipping and even expedited shipping for free. Yup - I know the store eliminates shipping, but so what. When was the last time a book purchase was an emergency? The wait time for shipping is as little as two days (for free).

If I need something pronto and it is available at Barnes & Noble and I'm in the mood for a Starbucks $3 coffee (Venti redeye), I guess I'd go there. Other than that, Amazon wins. Oh yes.

One down

Well then... Thanks to the fellow in Suwanee Georgia for sending the Parker Spanish Fly guitar. It would have been a very nice gesture if you didn't make me pay for it, but still - since these units are relatively scarce (about a year wait to get one custom made from Parker), I'm happy to pay the dough anyway.

How ironic that this particular guitar comes from Georgia, not all that far from Augusta (Augusta National). Random - Random - Random!

Now, if we can just get to work on the arrangements there, well then we'll have something. Actually, I'll be grateful and amazed.

Thanks Suwanee

McDonald's by Knopfler - Boom, Like That

i’m going to san bernardino
ring-a-ding-ding
milkshake mixers
that’s my thing, now
these guys bought
a heap of my stuff
and i gotta see a good thing
sure enough, now
or my name’s not kroc
that’s kroc with a ‘k’
like ‘crocodile’
but not spelled that way, yeah
it’s dog eat dog
rat eat rat
kroc-style
boom, like that



the folks line up
all down the street
and i’m seeing this girl
devour her meat, now
and then i get it, wham
as clear as day
my pulse begins to hammer
and i hear a voice say:
these boys have
got this down
oughtta be a one of these
in every town
these boys have
got the touch
it’s clean as a whistle
and it don’t cost much
wham, bam
you don’t wait long
shake, fries
patty, you’re gone
and how about that
friendly name?
heck, every little thing
oughtta stay the same
or my name’s not kroc
that’s kroc with a ‘k’
like ‘crocodile’
but not spelled that way, now
it’s dog eat dog
rat eat rat
kroc-style
boom, like that


you gentlemen
ought to expand
you’re going to need
a helping hand, now
so, gentlemen
well, what about me?
we’ll make a little
business history, now
or my name’s not kroc
call me ray
like ‘crocodile’
but not spelled that way, now
it’s dog eat dog
rat eat rat
kroc-style
boom, like that



well we build it up
and i buy ‘em out
but, man they made me
grind it out, now
they open up a new place
flipping meat
so i do, too
right across the street
i got the name
i need the town
they sell up in the end
and it all shuts down
sometimes you gotta
be an s.o.b.
you wanna make a dream
reality
competition?
send ‘em south
if they’re gonna drown
put a hose in their mouth
do not pass ‘go’
go straight to hell
i smell that
meat hook smell
or my name’s not kroc
that’s kroc with a ‘k’
like ‘crocodile’
but not spelled that way, now
it’s dog eat dog
rat eat rat
kroc-style
boom, like that

...and a small Diet Coke please.

The news about the "New Jobs" for August (a net loss of 4,000 jobs instead of the anticipated net gain of 110,000 new jobs) seems to be causing quite a stir.

I'll have a large order of Doom and Gloom, a medium extra crispy Kick in the Balls, and a small Diet Coke.

Please.

Johnny Damon and Hervé Villechaize

It is only a rumor that Johnny and Hervé are twins. However, it's safe to say Hervé had a better arm.

Duke Kahanamoku

Duke Kahanamoku

Duke Paoa Kahinu Mokoe Hulikohola Kahanamoku (August 24, 1890 – January 22, 1968)

Parker Nylon Fly & Augusta National

It would be nice to have a Parker Nylon Fly (a.k.a. Spanish Fly)

So if you could please send it along as quickly as possible, I would appreciate it.

Oh... I would also like to play a couple of rounds at Augusta National.
I'm guessing the Fly is easier to arrange.

Thanks