In the News - Computer Being Stupid

CAMBRIDGE, MA—After multiple attempts to get the thing to do the thing, 38-year-old freelance writer Joe Garvin gave up Saturday, citing the fact that his stupid computer was too dumb to print something as simple as a travel itinerary. The computer, a PowerBook something with some kind of core that does this every single time, reportedly refused to just tell the printer to print even after Garvin spent a full 10 minutes yelling at it. "Why won't you just help me out here?" Garvin asked his computer after it started beeping at him just to rub it in. "I checked your nums lock already, and that's not it. What is the matter with you? I hate you." Although the computer will likely go on being naughty forever, Garvin refused to call tech support to resolve the problem, claiming they're all "Wha, wha, wha," and saying a bunch of stuff he doesn't even know what.

Neil Young / Jimmy Fallon - "Pants on the ground"

It's a Hulu feed so we have to endure the commercial but hey - it is what it is.

Indiefair Playlist Project - New Song Release

Ladybug Playing with Sprinkles - Why not?

Everyone Likes this / No one likes this

Everyone and no one

Two things are always not true:

Everyone likes this.

No one likes this.

Sorry.

If you try to please everyone, the few you don't delight will either ruin your day or ruin your sense of what sort of product you should make.

And if you believe the critic who insists that no one is going to like what you made, you will walk away from a useful niche.

One other thing: Sometimes it's easy to confuse, "the small cadre of people I want to impress because my ego demands that this 'in' group is important," with "everyone." They're not the same.

Expanding the point Seth writes...

Lady Gaga and me

Do you think it bothers her that I don't listen to her music and wouldn't recognize her if she stopped by and said hi?

It shouldn't.

Even if you're a pop star, you don't need everyone to be a fan or a customer. And especially if you're not a pop star, worrying about whether everyone laughs at your jokes, buys your product or even likes you is counterproductive.

Unless you're running for something that requires a unanimous vote, it's a mistake to focus on the frowning guy in the back of the room or the dolt who doesn't get your subtle references or the miser who isn't going to buy from you regardless...

You're on the hunt for sneezers, for fans, for people willing to cross the street to work with you. Everyone else can pound sand, that's okay. Being remarkable also means being ignored or actively disliked.

BTW, I'm virtually certain that Lady (do her friends call her that?) doesn't read my stuff, so we're even.

Steve Martin's Holiday Wish - Again, because it's good stuff.

I push this one up to the site every year about this time. it's surely worth ten bucks, so I toss it up again.

Steve Martin's Holiday Wish...

If I had one wish that I could wish this holiday season, it would be that all the children to join hands and sing together in the spirit of harmony and peace.

If I had two wishes I could make this holiday season, the first would be for all the children of the world to join hands and sing in the spirit of harmony and peace. And the second would be for 30 million dollars a month to be given to me, tax-free in a Swiss bank account.

You know, if I had three wishes I could make this holiday season, the first, of course, would be for all the children of the world to get together and sing, the second would be for the 30 million dollars every month to me, and the third would be for encompassing power over every living being in the entire universe.

And if I had four wishes that I could make this holiday season, the first would be the crap about the kids definitely, the second would be for the 30 million, the third would be for all the power, and the fourth would be to set aside one month each year to have an extended 31-day orgasm, to be brought out slowly by Rosanna Arquette and that model Paulina-somebody, I can't think of her name.

Of course my lovely wife can come too and she's behind me one hundred percent here, I guarantee it. Wait a minute, maybe the sex thing should be the first wish, so if I made that the first wish, because it could all go boom tomorrow, then what do you got, y'know?

No, no, the kids, the kids singing would be great, that would be nice. But wait a minute, who am I kidding? They're not going to be able to get all those kids together. I mean, the logistics of the thing is impossible, more trouble than it's worth! So -- we reorganize!

Here we go. First, the sex thing. We go with that. Second, the money. No, we go with the power second, then the money. And then the kids. Oh wait, oh jeez, I forgot about revenge against my enemies! Okay, I need revenge against all my enemies, they should die like pigs in hell! That would be my fourth wish. And, of course, my fifth wish would be for all the children of the world to join hands and sing together in the spirit of harmony and peace.

Thank you everybody and Merry Christmas.

Literal Music Video - Bonnie Tyler - Ha!

I must be late to the party. You may have seen this. Well actually there's less than a 1 in 30 chance that you have but I'm just say'n - check it out if you haven't. Maybe it's because I spend a lot of time in the video and music business that this seems so funny. If you watch it through - there are nice little payouts (good lines) all the way through. Hit the link here.

Nicely done web promo tool

Well done campaign for designer garments. This video introduces the "notes/women" as "sizes".
Click on the Cup Size Choir logo below the video to play them in the flash player. Nice concept adapted for the web - well done. The fact that it is made of pretty girls is certainly part of the charm but aside from that, the overall execution is quite good - don't you think?

No Way - I'll pass on the convenience of the RFID chip - Geez...

 

Ya - do that

Nice idea / Remix - Snow White

Say what? - McGurk Effect

Popcorn

Bookstore ad - good one. The percussion enhanced sound of the books falling adds the flavor

Cyclist Friend Explains Necessity Of $35 Socks

Coseglia, above, said the nearly $40 socks are one of the best bike-related purchases he has made yet.


MONESSEN, PA—Recreational cyclist Ethan Coseglia, 38, thoroughly explained the benefits of wearing $35 bike-riding socks to his friend Kevin Washburn Friday, saying that his specially designed socks are essential in optimizing his overall cycling performance.


"They're great," Coseglia said to Washburn, who has never purchased a pair of socks for more than $8. "They're so comfortable, and they give me really good support. They also have the ToeTip Protector technology, which I like a lot. Seriously, if you ever get into biking, I would definitely go with these."


"Really good breathability, too," Coseglia continued to his friend who only purchases athletic socks in packs of three or more.


Throughout the 10-minute conversation, Coseglia, who took up biking several months ago and rides an average of 6.5 miles two times per week, repeatedly drew comparisons between his special socks and regular socks, telling a politely nodding Washburn that the differences between the two are "night and day."


According to Coseglia, one key area in which the socks are superior is the way they distribute pressure to both parts of the foot, which he said is very important for his bike riding.
Coseglia also mentioned his socks' anatomically molded footbed, their airflow ankle pads, the way they promote lateral ventilation under the sole of the foot, and moisture, specifically his socks' ability to defend against it.


Reports later indicated this was the first time Washburn had ever engaged in any sort of in-depth discussion about socks with anyone.
"They're lighter, that's for sure" Coseglia told Washburn, who, assuming he heard Coseglia correctly, learned that his friend knows the exact weight difference between normal white cotton socks and his special bike socks. "And they definitely keep you more stabilized. I noticed that right off the bat."


"I'm pretty sure these ones don't have the nanofibers, though," said Coseglia, unaware that in that instant, Washburn was confused as to whether or not the two were still talking about socks. "But you really don't need those. They're like 65 bucks. That's getting a little crazy."


Coseglia added that on Sunday he traveled 25 miles to go to a special bicycle equipment store to purchase several more pairs of socks, a statement leading his friend to silently calculate that in the past week Coseglia has spent more than $100 on socks.


Saying that it's better if all your cycling equipment is the same brand, Coseglia told Washburn that his biking shorts, gloves, jersey, helmet, socks, and shoes are all manufactured by Sugoi, and that his $630 outfit is extremely durable and "really good for good aerodynamics."


"It's important to have the right gear," Coseglia said to Washburn, who doesn't know the brand name of any of the socks in his dresser drawer, and mentally separates them into two categories: dress socks and regular socks. "I see people out there who don't know what they're doing, and I'm like, 'You can't just get on a bike and start riding it.' That's why I got that [$235] bike helmet the other day with the extra protective polymer."


Continued Coseglia, "I'm pretty sure it's the one Lance Armstrong wears".

Art World Relieved As Thieves Steal Pretty Terrible Late Period Renoir Work

OCTOBER 13, 2010 - Onion

CHICAGO—The art world let out a collective sigh of relief Tuesday when it was announced that thieves had made off with one of Pierre-Auguste Renoir's more god-awful late-period paintings, 1919's The Great Bathers (The Nymphs). "The palette was too rosy, the brushstrokes were something out of a college art class, and Renoir's gift for capturing his subject's inner mystery seemed to have completely abandoned him—in short, it was garbage and I'm glad it's gone," said Malcolm Stewart, a curator at the Art Institute of Chicago, which has done little to assist the police in their investigation. "This is the best thing to happen to Renoir's oeuvre since he painted his impressionist classic The Umbrellas, which was actually an inspired piece of art and not just decorative schlock." Stewart added that he wanted the thieves to know that Renoir's 1910 painting Jean As Huntsman could currently be viewed in the museum's front lobby next to several easily accessible exits.

One Minute Video - So good - Yup

Red Sox Figure It's Worth It To Just Ask Bud Selig For Playoff Spot

OCTOBER 1, 2010 |

BOSTON—Players and personnel within the Red Sox organization collectively decided Monday that simply coming out and asking MLB Commissioner Bud Selig if they could have a spot in the 2010 playoffs "couldn't hurt" their odds of missing the postseason any more than their poor finish in the division. "I'll mention that we've got a lot of fans who would love to watch us keep playing, and then I'll just ask, 'Can the Red Sox please be in the playoffs this year?'" general manager Theo Epstein said during a recent NESN interview. "After all, the worst he could say is no." Epstein added that depending on the feel of the meeting, he might also inquire about a first-round bye. Onion

Thrust your fat into a more appealing shape

Today Now!: How To Thrust Your Fat Into A More Appealing Shape

Tarp Surfing - What?

New Dad State of Mind - Juston McKinney

Juston McKinney with Renee Dupuis
Directed by Marc Dole
Cinematographer - Jonathon Millman

Well done! Nice!

David Thorne - Love it

From David Thorne's Blog - Good stuff!

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.19pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Overdue account

Dear David,

Our records indicate that your account is overdue by the amount of $233.95. If you have already made this payment please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles
From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.37pm
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,

I do not have any money so am sending you this drawing I did of a spider instead. I value the drawing at $233.95 so trust that this settles the matter.

Regards, David.


From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.07am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Overdue account

Dear David,

Thankyou for contacting us. Unfortunately we are unable to accept drawings as payment and your account remains in arrears of $233.95. Please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles
From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.32am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,

Can I have my drawing of a spider back then please.

Regards, David.
From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.42am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Overdue account

Dear David,

You emailed the drawing to me. Do you want me to email it back to you?

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles
From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.56am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,

Yes please.

Regards, David.
From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 12.14pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account

Attached


From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 09.22am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Whose spider is that?

Dear Jane,

Are you sure this drawing of a spider is the one I sent you? This spider only has seven legs and I do not feel I would have made such an elementary mistake when I drew it.

Regards, David.
From: Jane Gilles
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.03am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Whose spider is that?

Dear David,

Yes it is the same drawing. I copied and pasted it from the email you sent me on the 8th. David your account is still overdue by the amount of $233.95.
Please make this payment as soon as possible.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.05am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Automated Out of Office Response

Thankyou for contacting me.
I am currently away on leave, traveling through time and will be returning last week.

Regards, David.
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.08am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Hello, I am back and have read through your emails and accept that despite missing a leg, that drawing of a spider may indeed be the one I sent you. I realise with hindsight that it is possible you rejected the drawing of a spider due to this obvious limb ommission but did not point it out in an effort to avoid hurting my feelings. As such, I am sending you a revised drawing with the correct number of legs as full payment for any amount outstanding. I trust this will bring the matter to a conclusion.

Regards, David.


From: Jane Gilles
Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 2.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Dear David,

As I have stated, we do not accept drawings in lei of money for accounts outstanding. We accept cheque, bank cheque, money order or cash. Please make a payment this week to avoid incurring any additional fees.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 3.17pm
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

I understand and will definitely make a payment this week if I remember. As you have not accepted my second drawing as payment, please return the drawing to me as soon as possible. It was silly of me to assume I could provide you with something of completely no value whatsoever, waste your time and then attach such a large amount to it.

Regards, David.
From: Jane Gilles
Date: Tuesday 14 Oct 2008 11.18am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Attached

Local Water Tower Celebrates 50th Year As Repository Of Information On Who Is A Slut

CONCORDIA, MO—Residents marked the 50th anniversary of the Concordia water tower Tuesday, honoring a structure that for generations has been the community's most comprehensive source of information on who is a slut.

Enlarge Image-Historians say information on whether or not Whitney Olsen got the whole baseball team off would otherwise have been lost to time.

According to University of Missouri historian Elliot Torcello, the remarkably well- preserved tower is recognized throughout the region as an indispensable archive detailing which women in the area are promiscuous, as well as whether or not they have crabs.

"Since June 22, 1960, when the words 'Jill Hooper is a slut' first appeared on one of its support girders, the tower has been a place for citizens to go and find out who is really easy, or perhaps to contribute their own statement about who is giving it up all over town," Torcello said. "This unique public forum has immortalized the names of all those who demonstrated in one way or another that they were a slut, a whore, or—after 1984—a skank."

The Onion

Meet Marcel The Shell With Shoes On

MARCEL THE SHELL WITH SHOES ON from Dean Fleischer-Camp on Vimeo.

Swan Dive

Over the top carb counter - Real men of genius

There are over a hundred of these extremely good audio commercials. I think it's the chorus fills that kill me. Check it out.

Click Here to Listen (Scroll to the Carb Counter) - They're all pretty good.

That's why yellow makes me sad - I think. ha!

Kentridge - Video

Reverse Graffiti

LeBron and time to yawn

Forced to comment on LeBron James...

Miami is now a strong contender - oh yes. The complaint about no legitimate big man is semi-silly. James will spend more time low. Both he and Bosh are big people - not giant post-only bulk types but big fellows nonetheless. They'll find a Perk-like defensive solution to clog things and that will be fine. Miami is now tough - indeed. Keep in mind that in a game where a couple key players matter so much injuries (or lack of injuries) become a huge factor. Oh ya.

The "Decision" thing on ESPN was junk TV and annoying. James has to be careful that he doesn't become a hated character. It may be that way already. Good - it's more fun to do battle with evil. All in all - this beat to death story is a yawn.

The Cavaliers have problems and are now irrelevant. Oh ya.

Now - if we can just drop the subject and the league's CBA gets resolved, the season might be fun to watch. Until then - LeBron, go away and shut up. Good luck etc etc but go away until it's time to play.

The Celtics signing of Jermaine O'Neal is also a yawn. He has very little game and seems to have even less intensity.

There - comment rendered. Yawn.

Okay - so we're not cool. So what.

Yanni with a trim package - maybe not hot stuff - but this was at least a little bit interesting. Oh ya... interesting-ish.

Group Cheers After Group Hears Group's Name Called

HAVERFORD, PA—A group attending an event cheered in unison Thursday after a man with a microphone called out the group's name. "Wooooo!" group members yelled in an act that made them feel closer to one another than they had before hearing their name said aloud. "That's us!" The group ceased its excited cheering moments later when another group's name was called.

Local Child has Run-Of-The-Mill Imagination

PORTLAND, OR—According to sources in his home and school, the inner fantasy life of 6-year-old Connor Haney is not at all unique or vibrant. "Standard imagination, really," his teacher Joan Pershing told reporters. "Today at recess he was playing policeman and 'catching a bad guy.' So basically, he was pretending he had a job. Not exactly what I'd call visionary." Connor's mother, Sharon, concurred, displaying a crayon drawing and saying, "Look at this picture he drew. Ooh, wow, our house. Gee, where'd he dream that up?"

Studies show...

Nice one.

USS Montana - Old ad - Ha!

Ahhh... The Masters - Sweet site this time.

I've always been unimpressed with the Masters website. It was good / nice but not good enough - I thought. Certainly not up to expectations. Well, the new site is spectacular in many ways. The images are terrific. Well done! The architecture is okay but the images set a new standard - way cool.

Click on the picture (Hole #16 - sweet huh?) to go the official Masters site.

My Apology

I do apologize for making a comment about the weather. It was unnecessary.

Penguin

"It's practically impossible to look at a penguin and feel angry." - Joe Moore

Not good!

This was one of a series of pictures passed around under the heading "If you think you're having a bad day". This was Verne's favorite:

Google Responds To Privacy Concerns With Unsettlingly Specific Apology

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—Responding to recent public outcries over its handling of private data, search giant Google offered a wide-ranging and eerily well-informed apology to its millions of users Monday.

"We would like to extend our deepest apologies to each and every one of you," announced CEO Eric Schmidt, speaking from the company's Googleplex headquarters. "Clearly there have been some privacy concerns as of late, and judging by some of the search terms we've seen, along with the tens of thousands of personal e-mail exchanges and Google Chat conversations we've carefully examined, it looks as though it might be a while before we regain your trust."

Google expressed regret to some of its third-generation Irish-American users on Smithwood Avenue between Barlow and Lake.

Added Schmidt, "Whether you're Michael Paulson who lives at 3425 Longview Terrace and makes $86,400 a year, or Jessica Goldblatt from Lynnwood, WA, who already has well-established trust issues, we at Google would just like to say how very, truly sorry we are."

Schmidt's apology appeared suddenly at 9 a.m. Monday on Google's homepage, Chrome browser, and YouTube, as well as on every single Android-enabled cell phone, and sought to reassure Americans that the company would take all necessary steps to keep confidential information, from Social Security numbers to Gonorrhea test results, absolutely safe.

Acknowledging that Google hasn't always been open about how it mines the roughly 800 terabytes of personal data it has gathered since 1998, Schmidt apologized to users— particularly the 1,237,948 who take daily medication to combat anxiety—for causing any unnecessary distress, and he expressed regret—especially to Patricia Fort, a single mother taking care of Jordan, Sam, and Rebecca, ages 3, 7, and 9—for not doing more to ensure that private information remains private.

Monday's apology comes after the controversial launch of Google Buzz, a social networking platform that publicly linked Gmail users to their most e-mailed contacts by default.

"I'd like nothing more than to apologize in person to everyone we've let down, but as you can see, many of our users are rarely home at this hour," said Google cofounder and president Sergey Brin, pointing to several Google Map street-view shots of empty bedroom and living room windows on a projection screen behind him. "And, if last night's searches are any indication, Boston's Robert Hornick is probably out shopping right now for the spaghetti and clam sauce he'll be cooking tonight."

"Either that, or hunting down that blond coworker of his, Samantha, whose Picasa photos he stares at every night," Brin added.

While admitting that security measures need to improve, Google officials also claimed that everyone makes mistakes, be it storing confidential data indefinitely or, say, "having a few too many drinks on the evening of Jan. 23, driving home in a haze, striking a pedestrian on the corner of Mercer and Cavendish, speeding off, and then desperately searching online for hit and run laws, right, Karen?"

"Americans have every right to be angry at us," Google spokesperson Janet Kemper told reporters. "Though perhaps Dale Gilbert should just take a few deep breaths and go sit in his car and relax, like they tell him to do at the anger management classes he attends over at St. Francis Church every Tuesday night."

"Breathe in, breathe out," Kemper added. "We wouldn't want you to have another incident, Dale. Not when you've been doing so well."

In an effort to make up for years of alarmingly invasive service, Google will automatically add $50 to all American bank accounts as a gesture of goodwill. The company has also encouraged feedback, explaining that users can type any concerns they may still have into any open browser window or, if they are members of Google Voice, "simply speak directly into [their] phones right now." Either way, the company said, "We'll know."

So far, Google users across the country have responded cautiously to the company's public admission of wrongdoing, with some claiming they will be careful not to reveal any personal information from now on, and others ripping up their credit cards, unplugging all electronic devices from their outlets, and locking themselves in their bathrooms away from any cameras, keyboards, satellite dishes, or cell phones.

"I forgive Google, I forgive Google, I forgive Google," said Ohio resident Darla Mackenzie, sitting on the edge of her bathtub, her head in her hands. "Please, please, don't tell Jonathan about the things I have done."

Go men go

Bad whale, bad bad bad...

No - you don't kill the whale because it killed a trainer. You can't teach all the other whales a lesson by punishing the offending whale. You conclude that this whale is not a good choice for the job of living in captivity and performing. Send the whale to human resources for an exit interview, have it sign a release and toss it back into the ocean.

This might seem obvious but apparently not. Geez.

Curdling

NASA Onion

NASA Scientists Plan To Approach Girl By 2018 

Accupuncture anyone?

Blu Clipc - For more amazing video clips, click here

Kimmel editing piece- pretty good

The Unimaginable

If I told you four months ago that Toyota's sales would be crushed by a quality fumble, recalls and brand pain - and oh by the way, Tiger Woods will end up in rehab - you would have thought I was nuts.

What else is unimaginable?

Winter

"It might be great to have winter stay around for a few more months. If it does, maybe I can manage to gain another five pounds. Maybe I can get my skin dry enough to split myself completely in half. Maybe the rest of the driveway can be chunked up and all the sprinkler heads can be sheered off."

~Unknown~

Nice Video

The content is interesting - very good actually. The video production is also very good. Regarding the production. Nothing crazy - just clean and... well, good.

Modern Man - A World Class Carlin Piece

Nice one George!

JD Salinger and the vomity chair

JD Salinger used the word "vomity" as an adjective twice in his famous work Catcher in the Rye. Anyone who with all those choices for words - chooses "vomity" - especially to describe a chair, is certainly worthy of mention of the day of his passing.

A little Knopfler for ye

Everyone At Hospital Already Hates Wes Welker

BOSTON—Though injured New England Patriots wide receiver Wes Welker has only been in the hospital for five days, doctors, nurses, support staff, and fellow patients told reporters Thursday that the extremely passionate and determined Welker has already annoyed the hell out of everyone.

"That guy is just the worst," Welker's orthopedic surgeon Dr. Henry Myles said after a diagnostic checkup Tuesday. "He suffers a torn MCL and ACL in his left knee, he can barely walk, and he just keeps saying things like, 'When am I going to get back in there, doc?' and 'Just tape it up, I'll be fine.' This whole obsession with showing us how intense and driven he is 24 hours a day really has to stop."

"I get it, okay? The guy has a lot of heart," Myles added. "But yesterday we had to put him in restraints because he wouldn't stop trying to do jumping jacks. And before we could sedate him, his screams of 'I'm a competitor!' woke up the entire wing."

As of press time, Welker had not made a single friend at Massachusetts General. Although the wideout's attitude has been celebrated by sportswriters and fans alike as scrappy and overachieving, hospital personnel have described him as "exhausting," "intolerable," and "the most infuriating little cocksucker ever to walk God's green earth."

Even children in the hospital's cancer ward were irritated by Welker's Tuesday morning visit.

"The short man kept telling me to keep fighting and not to give up," said Jackie Geddings, 8, a leukemia patient in the hospital's pediatric ward. "I got extra tired talking to him and telling him over and over I was working hard and that he didn't have to cut off his hair and give it to me. I don't think he knew I was trying to take a nap."

"He's everywhere," one doctor said of the 5-foot-9 All-Pro receiver, adding that the mere sight of Welker's face fills him with rage. "If he's not trying to get patients up at 6 a.m. to do physical therapy with him, he's giving unwanted nutritional advice to diabetics or hovering over ER doctors during critical triage sessions. I really hope one of these days he comes over to the trauma ward so I can lay him out cold."

Welker told nurses Wednesday that, although his injury will keep him out of the playoffs, it shouldn't hinder his ability to help the hospital be the best it can be. He has offered to fill in anywhere he is needed, be it on the cafeteria staff or in the operating room.

"I consider myself a very patient person," hospital janitor Mike Clemens said. "But Mr. Welker has pushed me to my limit. He told me that my mopping routes were sloppy, and that if I maybe showed a little more heart out there I could get a few more crucial feet out of each swab."

"What a prick," Clemens added. "Seriously, what a fucking little prick."

Welker's hospital roommate, 52-year-old Aaron Kramer, requested a room transfer after spending just one night with the two-time Pro Bowler. Kramer said he was unable to sleep due to Welker shouting "Woo!" after every SportsCenter highlight, a nuisance that became increasingly excruciating as Welker did the same through all five of the show's overnight repeats.

Teammates who have visited Welker have left his hospital room visibly aggravated, often rolling their eyes, muttering to themselves, or saying things like, "Thank God that's over."

Patriots coach Bill Belichick has yet to make a trip to the Boston hospital, but said Monday that Welker had already left him more than 150 voice mail messages that alternated between tearful apologies for getting injured and personal pleas for Belichick not to forget about him while he's away.

"Apparently he read an article where I said that the team would evolve without him," Patriots quarterback Tom Brady told reporters after visiting Welker. "I had to assure Wes that didn't mean I thought the team was better off without him or that I didn't like him personally."

"I don't, though," Brady said. "Not hard to see why not. Jesus, if that mouthy little fucker didn't manage to get open so often I think I would have punched him in the face years ago."

A plea to the money

Business plans can be presented in a presentation deck containing ten slides. On each of the slides the text size must be no smaller than 30pt.; You should be able to present the story in no more than 20 minutes. Even if you're pitching yourself or your company to invest its own funds, boil your ideas down and touch the bases. Slide Headers:

1. The problem that exists
2. The solution to the problem
3. Business model; i.e. a brief description of the type of firm you will operate
4. Underlying magic/technology; this is crucial. Basically, it explains how you will solve the problem. It illustrates your competitive advantage.
5. Marketing and sales; how you will make people aware of your product/service, and sell it.
6. Competition; anyone who claims that there is no competition for a business idea has not done their homework.
7. Team; who—if anyone—will be working with you.
8. Projections and milestones; what are the key goals that you plan on hitting.
9. Status and timeline; where you currently are with your venture, and how long until you start hitting those goals.
10. Summary and call to action; if this is a presentation to investors (if it's your own money, think of it as making the case to the money), here’s where you describe how much you need and when.

Don't make a mistake by getting facts wrong or telling a lie. This is not a time to be sloppy or deceptive - no no no. The money is smart and will check the details. Your credibility is the first thing to get sniffed. Be credible by being accurate and truthful. Acknowledge threats and weaknesses. Crush them with your strengths and opportunities but don't assume the money is not paying close attention to everything - it is.

Don't kid yourself. Your money (or investor's money) is valuable. A piddly return is a yawn and a "no". There has to be a significant upside opportunity. Let's say that if - over a 5-year period - you can't make the case for a 20% annual return (or better), you're in deep doodoo. Smart money knows that the odds that everything will go as you've planned are close to zero. That doesn't mean you haven't prepared well and that you can't win. Perhaps you'll find good fortune along the way and the unknown will be your (and the money's) friend. On the other hand, shit happens and you may go down in flames in spite of your rigorous planing. The money is aware of the possibility that it may get lost. The chances that it may go poof are calculated into the deal. As a result, an upside expectation of a huge return - even many times the original investment - doesn't mean the money is greedy, just as the possibility of losing all the money doesn't make the money stupid. The money will only get excited (read: willing) if you can describe a big win.

Emily Remler

Born in 1957 (that was a good year), Emily Remler passed away in 1990. Check out the video of Emily playing "How Insensitive".

In an interview with People magazine, she once said of herself: "I may look like a nice Jewish girl from New Jersey, but inside I’m a 50-year-old, heavyset black man with a big thumb, like Wes Montgomery." ~People Mag. 1982~

Neat Mascot - Nasty Product (opinion)

I haven't been to Burger King in a long time. It hasn't sounded like a good idea. I've done the golden arches a few times but no Burger King. I needed to get something quick and there it was. - Burger King. I'm not sure what I ordered (I'm sure it had a name - I think the word stack was in it) but it consisted of the typical white bread bun (limp) with two 1/10 of a pound patties, some precooked bacon and a cheese that I think was ladled on (that's what it looked like). In the cheese were some small fragments of what might have been something (maybe a pepper). It looked bad but I ate it anyway.

It was one of the worst things ever served or eaten by man. It was almost tasteless. What taste came through was not pleasant. This was bad stuff. I'm not talking about nutrition here. I mean - this assemblage was just plain lousy. My guess is that this was the intended offering and not the fact that I got a mistake. It was ... what's the word?... Gross. I only ate the burger with the cheese and bacon (no bun). Maybe it was 3 - 4 ounces of matter. It sat inside me - heavy and unsatisfying. I was however, no longer hungry.

I really don't think I'll ever return to "The King". I'm not sure why I went in the first place.

NYSE: BKC - Burger King Holdings is selling for $18.97 / share. It's 52-week low is $15.61. This should be a good issue to short. There - I'm making the call "Short BKC". Don't ask me how short or what duration to play - you have to do some of the work yourself. However, I would say that a new low in the next 12- months would make sense - based on the crud I swallowed today.

Finding Population and other data for a defined area

I thought there would be a tool out there on the web where I could pick a location (address) and then pick a radius (10 miles, 20 miles - whatever) and get the population, demographics and maybe some other granular data about the area within the circle. Apparently there is nothing for free. Maybe that is a project / business waiting to happen - although, free is a tough climb. It looks like I can buy tools (CD/DVD) or buy a subscription to get down to "block" level. Not city block, but census block (used for elections etc).

The best I could do for free was a database at the US Census Bureau Factfinder . There is some good information here and it's probably close to accurate. ZipSkinny is another site that seems nifty. It pushes essentially the same data - presented by zip code. Zip code sorting could be more helpful or less helpful but it's another pile. ZipSkinny can deliver side by side comparisons - nice. The source is most likely the 2000 census. I can see a way to create the kind of data I'm looking for by making some assumptions. If I want to look at a relatively small region, say - Southeastern, NH it wouldn't be too tough. For example: if the 10 mile radius from a particular address swallowed up 15% of a neighboring town, we could say that 15% of the population was within the radius section. Yes indeed, we could be slicing off the heaviest concentration of a particular town or the lightest. This would fuzz our % of the town conclusion but it would still be a decent representation. If the radius clipped pieces of a few towns, the errors +(-) about concentration would tend to offset.

If you know of a site where this data is organized as I've described, let me know. That would be worth ten bucks to someone.

Sir on the equities - Over-sized Gains in the Past

About the nice market pop in 2009 and prospects for 2010 - Sir said, "The over-sized gains of '09 are now in the past".

Too bad. That was fun.

That's all I have for now. Will 2010 still manage to give us a little? Don't know. Maybe it's a picker's year.