Saturday, August 28, 2010

Local Water Tower Celebrates 50th Year As Repository Of Information On Who Is A Slut


CONCORDIA, MO—Residents marked the 50th anniversary of the Concordia water tower Tuesday, honoring a structure that for generations has been the community's most comprehensive source of information on who is a slut.

Enlarge Image-Historians say information on whether or not Whitney Olsen got the whole baseball team off would otherwise have been lost to time.

According to University of Missouri historian Elliot Torcello, the remarkably well- preserved tower is recognized throughout the region as an indispensable archive detailing which women in the area are promiscuous, as well as whether or not they have crabs.

"Since June 22, 1960, when the words 'Jill Hooper is a slut' first appeared on one of its support girders, the tower has been a place for citizens to go and find out who is really easy, or perhaps to contribute their own statement about who is giving it up all over town," Torcello said. "This unique public forum has immortalized the names of all those who demonstrated in one way or another that they were a slut, a whore, or—after 1984—a skank."

The Onion