Jack of All Trades

Jack rhymes with hack doesn't it?

I read a piece called "What would a professional do?". It almost said what I was thinking, but not quite. He lost me. Instead, I would say...

When you're busy being a jack of all trades, you're competing against professionals. The recipient of your work doesn't care that you are also capable of doing other things. All he wants is the best he can get.

Define a pro as a specialist who does industry standard work for hire. A professional presenter, for example, could give a presentation on anything, not just the topic on which you're passionate about.

When you compete with professionals, you have a problem, because generally speaking, they're better at what they do than you are.

There are three valid ways to think your way out of this situation:

• Hire a professional.
• Be as good as a professional.
• Realize that professional-quality work is not required or available and merely come close.

The first option may require time and money you might not have, presuming that's why you didn't go that route in the first place.

The second is a smart option, particularly if you do the work often and the quality matters. Web design and selling are two examples that come to mind here. The first step to getting good is admitting that you aren't (yet.) Invest the time and become a pro if it's important. Hire a pro and pay attention. Deliver quality and pay attention until you are one yourself.

The third option is the worst idea ever. Does your customer/client/employee actually believe that they haven't been shortchanged by your amateur performance? It is costing you in ways you're not measuring because you're willfully ignoring the consequences? Think of all the sub-pro experiences you've had as a customer, instances where someone was pretending to be a chef or a bartender or a computer jock but just came up short... Were you delighted? Of course not. Don't kid yourself. Amateur work will get you amateur results.

Find out what it takes to deliver the look you require and don't settle for crap. If you make less by doing it that way, then make less. Don't let everyone see what half-baked cheesy standards you consider to be "good enough". Charge more if you have to.

There you have it.

Cuppla Woody Allens

"I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me."

"Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons."

Amish Heater?

Does anyone really buy the "Amish Heater"that has attained the "coveted UL listing"? The scene with the two wood Amish-made mantel covers (one dark stain and one natural) strapped to the back of a horse drawn Amish wagon as it clip clops under a bridge, is quite a convincing image. The bearded Amish men tapping away with their hammers, and carefully eyeing up a board. The Amish gals with the official headgear polishing the cherished furniture. I just want to hear from someone who bought one, and is willing to admit it.

Vomity.com - New Product Announcement

Manchester, NH - In what some are saying appears to be a shift in the business model, the world's largest adjective lobbying group, Vomity.com announced today that they have scheduled the release of a new fragrance.

The CFO (Chief Fragrance Officer) was quoted as saying, "The scent - called 'Very High End Urinal Biscuit', will be sold in sets that include a cologne, a body splash, a foot cream, and an actual urinal biscuit. The products are targeted toward men (but test groups show women enjoy it as well). We think we could be on to something big. The fragrance is unmistakably familiar, yet most people have a hard time placing it. The mystery is assumed to be the key."

The Hero Song

Vomity.com announces hiring freeze

Vomity.com, the worlds largest adjective lobby group, announced that it will reduce its potential staff by up to 3,000 people. A spokesperson for Vomity.com said, "This is an unfortunate new reality for Vomity.com. The company was going to add up to 3,000 people in the next 12 - 18 months, but now that's not going to happen."

The freeze comes just as Vomity.com announced that earnings for the 4th quarter of 2008, were $.75 vs $0.40 in Q4 2007. Analysts estimates were for the company to earn $.50 for the period. The 75% increase in earnings was a pleasant surprise on Wall Street and on Main Street. The company also reported revenue of over $36 for the period. When asked to comment on the company's quarter and outlook for the future, Vomity.com issued the following statement:

"We're thrilled to report the big pop in earnings. We kept our costs in check and tried to be more efficient in every department. We took in $36 counting the $5 we found in the pocket of those jeans that I hate wearing because they fall off as I walk (I have no ass). We did not recognize the gain from the time when the guy at Subway gave us change for a twenty, when we only gave him a ten. We know we should have corrected the error and returned the money, but given the economy and the fact that the sandwich - upon closer examination in the QC operation, came up nearly an inch and a half short of the advertised 12 inches - we are keeping the money in reserve. The $.75 in earnings in directly attributable to the fact that we found that $5 in the jeans. It was a scary time. Our outlook for 2009 is cautiously optimistic. We are however, not going to hire 3,000 people. We can't pay them and we expect that will prevent us from going ahead with it. We're probably going to fold soon anyway."

Shares of http://www.vomity.com/, were down way way more than 20% in after hours trading.

Some trivial stuff... Sorry

Sorry to dish up some trivial things - as if most things aren't...

Coffee is good stuff. Not Dunkin Donuts coffee, or flavored concoctions with syrup, whipped cream and drizzled - a.k.a. "girly coffee". , but coffee coffee. Dunkin Donuts coffee doesn't count. They sell a ton of it though - so maybe it's tamed down (weak) enough to appeal to those who have not acquired the taste for real coffee. Get yourself an espresso type coffee from Starbucks or another similar effort.

Diamonds are silly. I get the scarcity thing, but is that really the case? Are they so stunning that that they are worth the price? I mean - can you really appreciate the brilliance without whipping out your jeweler's magnifying device? Do you need one to demonstrate how much you love someone? I've got your
three-month's salary right here (groin grab).


Larry Bird was awesome. Too bad some of you yutes didn't see it on a regular basis. Everyone looks good in highlight reels, but this guy was clutch and played a game much bigger than his natural ability. I bring it up only because people forget.

Cut the crap with the ridiculous base. I'm sure I've whined about this before, but what's with the super-loud base speakers in your car? That's just not good, not good at all. Since I feel it way over here, sitting right inside that car - you must be in severe pain. What are you thinking? Is that supposed to be cool? Maybe it is and I'm missing something. If you're reading this - good, because I'm sure if I complained verbally, you wouldn't be able to hear me. Geez...

Sorry.

Grasshopper 1-18-09

Read a good one this morning...

"Don't be afraid to take a big step if one is indicated. You can't cross a chasm in two small steps."

Of course, the chasm situation doesn't come up that often. We have bridges, or perhaps helicopters. In the event a chasm must be crossed and there are no bridges or copters, one should consider any previous chasm jumping distance experience. If no previous distances are available, it might be wise to take a few practice leaps on solid ground and gather a little data. Call me crazy. What's the worst that could happen? I guess that depends on the depth and surface qualities of the actual chasm. For example a faceplant into jagged rock, followed by anything more than 15 or 20 feet of "plummeting", is worth more con-points than a soft grassy ditch type of chasm (also known as a rift). Push the depth to 50 or 100 feet and we have a new game. We'll have to consider the prize that apparently can only be secured on the other side. Can we convince the object of our desire to jump to our side? If - in the final analysis we decide that leaping the chasm is the way to go, get a running start.

.

Jake Delhomme Throws Keys To Wrong Valet

CHARLOTTE, NC—Claiming that he felt "rushed," Panthers quarterback Jake Delhomme failed to connect on a 5-foot pass to his Capital Grille restaurant valet Sunday, instead sending his car keys into the hands of the wrong parking attendant. "It's frustrating, because I knew as soon as I let go of the keys that the throw was off target," said Delhomme, adding that he should not have been throwing off his back foot. "I don't want to make excuses, but I may have injured my throwing hand on the sharp edge of a key while I was in the pocket. Hopefully, I can watch film from the valet's security camera and correct that next time." Once inside the restaurant, Delhomme fumbled a steaming hot dinner roll, kicked it across the dining room while trying to pick it up, and was blocked into a side table by a busboy, who eventually recovered the baked good.

Thanks BBWAA members... Rice gets his due!

As campaigned for by many (like Ruben), including me (See: previous post) - Jim Rice was voted into the Baseball Hall of Fame today by the BBWAA. Thanks to all those who finally (after 15 years) did the right thing.

Congratulations to Jim "Ed" Rice.

Here is the press release from the BBWAA:


HENDERSON AND RICE ELECTED TO THE HALL OF FAME
For release Monday, January 12, 2009

Rickey Henderson, baseball's all-time stolen bases and runs scored leader, and power-hitting outfielder Jim Rice were elected to the National Baseball Hall of Fame by the Baseball Writers' Association of America in balloting verified by Ernst & Young. They will be inducted into the Hall July 26 at the Clark Sports Center in Cooperstown, N.Y.

Henderson and Rice will be honored along with former Yankees and Indians second baseman Joe Gordon, who was elected last month by the Veterans Committee. The July 26 Induction Ceremony will also include the presentation of the Ford C. Frick Award for broadcasting to Tony Kubek and the J.G. Taylor Spink Award for baseball writing to Nick Peters.

In the BBWAA election, 539 ballots, including two blanks, were cast by members with 10 or more consecutive years of service. Players must be named on 75 percent of ballots submitted to be elected. This year, 405 votes were required. Twenty-seven votes were needed to stay on the ballot.

Henderson was listed on 511 ballots (94.8%) to win election in his first year on the ballot. He becomes the 44th player to be elected by the BBWAA in his first year eligible.

Rice was listed on 412 ballots (76.4%) in his 15th and final time on the BBWAA ballot. He becomes the third player elected by the BBWAA in his final year of eligibility, following Red Ruffing (1967) and Ralph Kiner (1975). Rice received seven votes more than the minimum needed for election.

This marks the 24th time the BBWAA has elected two Hall of Famers in the same year. The two new Hall of Famers bring to 289 the number of elected members of the Hall. Of that total, 202 are former major league players, of which 108 have been through the BBWAA ballot. Henderson and Rice are the 20th and 21st left fielders elected and the first since Carl Yastrzemski in 1989. No other position had gone longer without a new Hall of Famer.

Henderson, 50, is Major League Baseball's career leader in stolen bases (1,406) and runs scored (2,295) and is second all-time in walks (2,190). He was named to 10 All-Star teams and was the 1990 American League Most Valuable Player with the Oakland A's, with whom he won a World Series title in 1989. Henderson, who played for nine teams over 25 big league seasons, also won a World Series ring in 1993 as a member of the Toronto Blue Jays. He holds the Major League Baseball record for steals in a season with 130, which he set in 1982 with the A's, and he holds the big league record of 81 home runs leading off games. Henderson received the 13th-highest voting percentage ever, finishing right behind Babe Ruth (95.1%) and just ahead of Willie Mays (94.7%)

Rice, 55, spent his entire 16-year big league career with the Boston Red Sox. The 1978 American League Most Valuable Player finished in the top five of the AL MVP voting five other times, finishing second to teammate Fred Lynn in the 1975 AL Rookie of the Year voting. He led the AL in homers three times, hit .300-or-better seven times and was selected to eight All-Star Games. He is the only player in history to post three straight seasons of 35-plus home runs and 200-plus hits. He finished his career with a .298 batting average, 382 home runs and 1,451 RBIs.

Andre Dawson (361 votes, 67% and Bert Blyleven (338 votes, 62.7%) were the only other players listed on more than half of the ballots. Rounding out the top 10 were: Lee Smith (240 votes, 44.5%); Jack Morris (237 votes, 44.0%); Tommy John (171 votes, 31.6%); Tim Raines (122 votes, 22.6%); Mark McGwire (118 votes, 21.9%); and Alan Trammell (94 votes, 17.4%).
Players remain on the ballot for up to 15 years provided they receive at least five percent of the vote. Players who will return to the ballot next year include: Dawson, Blyleven, Smith, Morris, Raines, McGwire, Trammell, Dave Parker, Don Mattingly, Dale Murphy and Harold Baines.
Tommy John, who received 31.7% of the vote in his 15th-and-final year of BBWAA ballot eligibility, will be eligible for Veterans Committee consideration in the fall of 2010.

Of the 10 newcomers to the ballot, Henderson was elected and nine others did not receive sufficient support of five percent or more to stay on the ballot.

The vote: Rickey Henderson 511 (94.8%); Jim Rice 412 (76.4%); Andre Dawson 361 (67.0%); Bert Blyleven 338 (62.7%); Lee Smith 240 (44.5%); Jack Morris 237 (44.0%); Tommy John 171 (31.7%); Tim Raines 122 (22.6%); Mark McGwire 118 (21.9%); Alan Trammell 94 (17.4%); Dave Parker 81 (15.0%); Don Mattingly 64 (11.9%); Dale Murphy 62 (11.5%); Harold Baines 32 (5.9%); Mark Grace 22 (4.1%); David Cone 21 (3.9%); Matt Williams 7 (1.3%); Mo Vaughn 6 (1.1%); Jay Bell 2 (0.4%); Jesse Orosco 1 (0.2%); Ron Gant 0; Dan Plesac 0; Greg Vaughn 0.

Local Search

No say... Say.

Local 1: 15 miles

Local 2: 25 miles

Local 3: 50 miles

Local 4: 100 miles
Local 5: There is no Local 5

Thanks for coming.

I don't get it.

Don't get what?

The Local this and that thing.

Oh that, right. These are search definitions.

...and?

The results are completly based on relevancy and geography with no regard for page views. Cool huh?

...ahhh ya. Okay then.

Thanks for coming.

4 Hat Logic

Four men are buried in sand in a straight line so that they can only look straight ahead, as shown above.

The first man, on the left, is facing an opaque barrier separating him from the other three; he can't see anyone and no one can see him.

The others, all facing the barrier from the right side, can not see behind themselves.

Each can only see the back of the head(s) of any men in front of him. None can see his own hat.

They all know that: 1) there are two black and two white hats distributed among them.

Unless one of them can correctly identify the color of the hat he is wearing, they are about to be shot; a wrong guess will produce the same result. They are not allowed to communicate with each other in any way.

Who works out what color hat he is wearing and, of course, how?

Good ditty worth clarifying

Pretty good ditty. "Is Everything Okay?"

Seth writes:
Is everything okay?

Unless you work in a nuclear power plant, the answer is certainly no (and if you work there, I hope the answer is yes.)

No, everything is not okay. Not in a growing organization. Not if your company is making change happen, or dealing with customers. How could it be?

And yet, that's what so many managers focus on. How to make everything okay. We spend so much time smoothing things out, we lose the opportunity for change, or for texture or creativity.

Instead of working so hard to make everything okay, perhaps it is more helpful to work hard at living with a world that rarely is.

I would add that while some chaos exists in spite of rigorous efforts to gain control, if we let control slip completely off the priority list, we would soon see flames. Keeping that in mind, Seth's point is a good one. Not everything is "controlable".

Know what should be okay and what you're willing to allow not to be okay - and why. That's fine.

Ad dollars

If we knew that an advertising dollar would deliver a return on investment, and that we could manage the activity without bursting into flames, we would spend all that we could. Wouldn't we? Oh yea.

Happy Three-Jan

Happy Three-Jan!

"It's a terrific day. Since it only comes once a year, we should eat and drink more than usual and maybe open a present or three."
Rick Schmidtner - Dog Groomer

"It's the day when all people accept that they are actually fat, or deficient in some other way, and that the resolution thing is a super pain in the ass."
Paula Randy - Human Resources Assistant

"I'm not sure what to do this year for Three-Jan. Maybe we can get donuts."
Clark "Corky" Fazzulla - Warehouse Shipping Guy