From Brand Camp

Here's a buck - go buy something

Here you go. Here's a dollar. Go buy... almost nothing. You might get a bottle of water. Not a name brand water (what?), but a generic - crappy water in a plastic bottle that will probably give you a disease of some kind. Hey - how about a sandwich at a drive through. Mmmmm... nice huh? But wait - with tax, even that 99 cent "thing" is going to require a little more cash. No, no, no, I know - go get a package of sparklers in New Hampshire (no tax). There you go. Look - five sparklers for a dollar. That's a half hour of real solid fun. What a deal. If you have another dollar, you can get a lighter. You'll have to settle for a stupid looking one that is one-sale because it didn't sell. It probably has a skull on it. Hopefully it will work so you can light up your sparklers. Oh boy, we're having some fun now aren't we?

Sales Bully

Can you bully someone into a sale?

Of course you can.

It's human nature to resist saying yes. Human nature makes us hesitate, sometimes for a week or a month, at the very last minute, at the moment of truth.

One technique to get through this hesitation is to be a sales bully.

Sales bullies describe their approach as ethical, because, after all, it's in the best interest of the prospect to say yes. It's okay to be a sales bully when you're trying to get someone to take their TB medicine, so it must be okay to be a sales bully to get them to sign this contract.

And it works. On some people.

The flaw in thinking is this... the people you most want to sell to won't respond well to this. The people you most need to spread the word, the people who are the best partners, the most loyal customers--they blanch in the face of bullying. They walk out.

So, if bullying is the only tool you've got, it makes sense to focus on an audience that responds to it (and lower your expecations accordingly). Even better, get some new tools.

Nothing But Tears

NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ—After decades of coddling young children, Johnson & Johnson unveiled its new "Nothing But Tears" shampoo this week, an aggressive bath-time product the company says will help to prepare meek and fragile newborns for the real world.

A radical departure for the health goods manufacturer, the new shampoo features an all-alcohol-based formula, has never once been approved by leading dermatologists, and is as gentle on a baby's skin as "having to grow up and fend for your goddamn self."

"We at Johnson & Johnson have been making bath time a safe and soothing experience for far too long," company CEO William C. Weldon said. "Years of pampering have left our newborns helpless, feeble, and ill-equipped for the arduous road ahead."