Penguin

"It's practically impossible to look at a penguin and feel angry." - Joe Moore

Not good!

This was one of a series of pictures passed around under the heading "If you think you're having a bad day". This was Verne's favorite:

Google Responds To Privacy Concerns With Unsettlingly Specific Apology

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—Responding to recent public outcries over its handling of private data, search giant Google offered a wide-ranging and eerily well-informed apology to its millions of users Monday.

"We would like to extend our deepest apologies to each and every one of you," announced CEO Eric Schmidt, speaking from the company's Googleplex headquarters. "Clearly there have been some privacy concerns as of late, and judging by some of the search terms we've seen, along with the tens of thousands of personal e-mail exchanges and Google Chat conversations we've carefully examined, it looks as though it might be a while before we regain your trust."

Google expressed regret to some of its third-generation Irish-American users on Smithwood Avenue between Barlow and Lake.

Added Schmidt, "Whether you're Michael Paulson who lives at 3425 Longview Terrace and makes $86,400 a year, or Jessica Goldblatt from Lynnwood, WA, who already has well-established trust issues, we at Google would just like to say how very, truly sorry we are."

Schmidt's apology appeared suddenly at 9 a.m. Monday on Google's homepage, Chrome browser, and YouTube, as well as on every single Android-enabled cell phone, and sought to reassure Americans that the company would take all necessary steps to keep confidential information, from Social Security numbers to Gonorrhea test results, absolutely safe.

Acknowledging that Google hasn't always been open about how it mines the roughly 800 terabytes of personal data it has gathered since 1998, Schmidt apologized to users— particularly the 1,237,948 who take daily medication to combat anxiety—for causing any unnecessary distress, and he expressed regret—especially to Patricia Fort, a single mother taking care of Jordan, Sam, and Rebecca, ages 3, 7, and 9—for not doing more to ensure that private information remains private.

Monday's apology comes after the controversial launch of Google Buzz, a social networking platform that publicly linked Gmail users to their most e-mailed contacts by default.

"I'd like nothing more than to apologize in person to everyone we've let down, but as you can see, many of our users are rarely home at this hour," said Google cofounder and president Sergey Brin, pointing to several Google Map street-view shots of empty bedroom and living room windows on a projection screen behind him. "And, if last night's searches are any indication, Boston's Robert Hornick is probably out shopping right now for the spaghetti and clam sauce he'll be cooking tonight."

"Either that, or hunting down that blond coworker of his, Samantha, whose Picasa photos he stares at every night," Brin added.

While admitting that security measures need to improve, Google officials also claimed that everyone makes mistakes, be it storing confidential data indefinitely or, say, "having a few too many drinks on the evening of Jan. 23, driving home in a haze, striking a pedestrian on the corner of Mercer and Cavendish, speeding off, and then desperately searching online for hit and run laws, right, Karen?"

"Americans have every right to be angry at us," Google spokesperson Janet Kemper told reporters. "Though perhaps Dale Gilbert should just take a few deep breaths and go sit in his car and relax, like they tell him to do at the anger management classes he attends over at St. Francis Church every Tuesday night."

"Breathe in, breathe out," Kemper added. "We wouldn't want you to have another incident, Dale. Not when you've been doing so well."

In an effort to make up for years of alarmingly invasive service, Google will automatically add $50 to all American bank accounts as a gesture of goodwill. The company has also encouraged feedback, explaining that users can type any concerns they may still have into any open browser window or, if they are members of Google Voice, "simply speak directly into [their] phones right now." Either way, the company said, "We'll know."

So far, Google users across the country have responded cautiously to the company's public admission of wrongdoing, with some claiming they will be careful not to reveal any personal information from now on, and others ripping up their credit cards, unplugging all electronic devices from their outlets, and locking themselves in their bathrooms away from any cameras, keyboards, satellite dishes, or cell phones.

"I forgive Google, I forgive Google, I forgive Google," said Ohio resident Darla Mackenzie, sitting on the edge of her bathtub, her head in her hands. "Please, please, don't tell Jonathan about the things I have done."

Go men go

Bad whale, bad bad bad...

No - you don't kill the whale because it killed a trainer. You can't teach all the other whales a lesson by punishing the offending whale. You conclude that this whale is not a good choice for the job of living in captivity and performing. Send the whale to human resources for an exit interview, have it sign a release and toss it back into the ocean.

This might seem obvious but apparently not. Geez.

Curdling

NASA Onion

NASA Scientists Plan To Approach Girl By 2018 

Accupuncture anyone?

Blu Clipc - For more amazing video clips, click here

Kimmel editing piece- pretty good

The Unimaginable

If I told you four months ago that Toyota's sales would be crushed by a quality fumble, recalls and brand pain - and oh by the way, Tiger Woods will end up in rehab - you would have thought I was nuts.

What else is unimaginable?

Winter

"It might be great to have winter stay around for a few more months. If it does, maybe I can manage to gain another five pounds. Maybe I can get my skin dry enough to split myself completely in half. Maybe the rest of the driveway can be chunked up and all the sprinkler heads can be sheered off."

~Unknown~

Nice Video

The content is interesting - very good actually. The video production is also very good. Regarding the production. Nothing crazy - just clean and... well, good.

Modern Man - A World Class Carlin Piece

Nice one George!

JD Salinger and the vomity chair

JD Salinger used the word "vomity" as an adjective twice in his famous work Catcher in the Rye. Anyone who with all those choices for words - chooses "vomity" - especially to describe a chair, is certainly worthy of mention of the day of his passing.

A little Knopfler for ye

Everyone At Hospital Already Hates Wes Welker

BOSTON—Though injured New England Patriots wide receiver Wes Welker has only been in the hospital for five days, doctors, nurses, support staff, and fellow patients told reporters Thursday that the extremely passionate and determined Welker has already annoyed the hell out of everyone.

"That guy is just the worst," Welker's orthopedic surgeon Dr. Henry Myles said after a diagnostic checkup Tuesday. "He suffers a torn MCL and ACL in his left knee, he can barely walk, and he just keeps saying things like, 'When am I going to get back in there, doc?' and 'Just tape it up, I'll be fine.' This whole obsession with showing us how intense and driven he is 24 hours a day really has to stop."

"I get it, okay? The guy has a lot of heart," Myles added. "But yesterday we had to put him in restraints because he wouldn't stop trying to do jumping jacks. And before we could sedate him, his screams of 'I'm a competitor!' woke up the entire wing."

As of press time, Welker had not made a single friend at Massachusetts General. Although the wideout's attitude has been celebrated by sportswriters and fans alike as scrappy and overachieving, hospital personnel have described him as "exhausting," "intolerable," and "the most infuriating little cocksucker ever to walk God's green earth."

Even children in the hospital's cancer ward were irritated by Welker's Tuesday morning visit.

"The short man kept telling me to keep fighting and not to give up," said Jackie Geddings, 8, a leukemia patient in the hospital's pediatric ward. "I got extra tired talking to him and telling him over and over I was working hard and that he didn't have to cut off his hair and give it to me. I don't think he knew I was trying to take a nap."

"He's everywhere," one doctor said of the 5-foot-9 All-Pro receiver, adding that the mere sight of Welker's face fills him with rage. "If he's not trying to get patients up at 6 a.m. to do physical therapy with him, he's giving unwanted nutritional advice to diabetics or hovering over ER doctors during critical triage sessions. I really hope one of these days he comes over to the trauma ward so I can lay him out cold."

Welker told nurses Wednesday that, although his injury will keep him out of the playoffs, it shouldn't hinder his ability to help the hospital be the best it can be. He has offered to fill in anywhere he is needed, be it on the cafeteria staff or in the operating room.

"I consider myself a very patient person," hospital janitor Mike Clemens said. "But Mr. Welker has pushed me to my limit. He told me that my mopping routes were sloppy, and that if I maybe showed a little more heart out there I could get a few more crucial feet out of each swab."

"What a prick," Clemens added. "Seriously, what a fucking little prick."

Welker's hospital roommate, 52-year-old Aaron Kramer, requested a room transfer after spending just one night with the two-time Pro Bowler. Kramer said he was unable to sleep due to Welker shouting "Woo!" after every SportsCenter highlight, a nuisance that became increasingly excruciating as Welker did the same through all five of the show's overnight repeats.

Teammates who have visited Welker have left his hospital room visibly aggravated, often rolling their eyes, muttering to themselves, or saying things like, "Thank God that's over."

Patriots coach Bill Belichick has yet to make a trip to the Boston hospital, but said Monday that Welker had already left him more than 150 voice mail messages that alternated between tearful apologies for getting injured and personal pleas for Belichick not to forget about him while he's away.

"Apparently he read an article where I said that the team would evolve without him," Patriots quarterback Tom Brady told reporters after visiting Welker. "I had to assure Wes that didn't mean I thought the team was better off without him or that I didn't like him personally."

"I don't, though," Brady said. "Not hard to see why not. Jesus, if that mouthy little fucker didn't manage to get open so often I think I would have punched him in the face years ago."

A plea to the money

Business plans can be presented in a presentation deck containing ten slides. On each of the slides the text size must be no smaller than 30pt.; You should be able to present the story in no more than 20 minutes. Even if you're pitching yourself or your company to invest its own funds, boil your ideas down and touch the bases. Slide Headers:

1. The problem that exists
2. The solution to the problem
3. Business model; i.e. a brief description of the type of firm you will operate
4. Underlying magic/technology; this is crucial. Basically, it explains how you will solve the problem. It illustrates your competitive advantage.
5. Marketing and sales; how you will make people aware of your product/service, and sell it.
6. Competition; anyone who claims that there is no competition for a business idea has not done their homework.
7. Team; who—if anyone—will be working with you.
8. Projections and milestones; what are the key goals that you plan on hitting.
9. Status and timeline; where you currently are with your venture, and how long until you start hitting those goals.
10. Summary and call to action; if this is a presentation to investors (if it's your own money, think of it as making the case to the money), here’s where you describe how much you need and when.

Don't make a mistake by getting facts wrong or telling a lie. This is not a time to be sloppy or deceptive - no no no. The money is smart and will check the details. Your credibility is the first thing to get sniffed. Be credible by being accurate and truthful. Acknowledge threats and weaknesses. Crush them with your strengths and opportunities but don't assume the money is not paying close attention to everything - it is.

Don't kid yourself. Your money (or investor's money) is valuable. A piddly return is a yawn and a "no". There has to be a significant upside opportunity. Let's say that if - over a 5-year period - you can't make the case for a 20% annual return (or better), you're in deep doodoo. Smart money knows that the odds that everything will go as you've planned are close to zero. That doesn't mean you haven't prepared well and that you can't win. Perhaps you'll find good fortune along the way and the unknown will be your (and the money's) friend. On the other hand, shit happens and you may go down in flames in spite of your rigorous planing. The money is aware of the possibility that it may get lost. The chances that it may go poof are calculated into the deal. As a result, an upside expectation of a huge return - even many times the original investment - doesn't mean the money is greedy, just as the possibility of losing all the money doesn't make the money stupid. The money will only get excited (read: willing) if you can describe a big win.

Emily Remler

Born in 1957 (that was a good year), Emily Remler passed away in 1990. Check out the video of Emily playing "How Insensitive".

In an interview with People magazine, she once said of herself: "I may look like a nice Jewish girl from New Jersey, but inside I’m a 50-year-old, heavyset black man with a big thumb, like Wes Montgomery." ~People Mag. 1982~

Neat Mascot - Nasty Product (opinion)

I haven't been to Burger King in a long time. It hasn't sounded like a good idea. I've done the golden arches a few times but no Burger King. I needed to get something quick and there it was. - Burger King. I'm not sure what I ordered (I'm sure it had a name - I think the word stack was in it) but it consisted of the typical white bread bun (limp) with two 1/10 of a pound patties, some precooked bacon and a cheese that I think was ladled on (that's what it looked like). In the cheese were some small fragments of what might have been something (maybe a pepper). It looked bad but I ate it anyway.

It was one of the worst things ever served or eaten by man. It was almost tasteless. What taste came through was not pleasant. This was bad stuff. I'm not talking about nutrition here. I mean - this assemblage was just plain lousy. My guess is that this was the intended offering and not the fact that I got a mistake. It was ... what's the word?... Gross. I only ate the burger with the cheese and bacon (no bun). Maybe it was 3 - 4 ounces of matter. It sat inside me - heavy and unsatisfying. I was however, no longer hungry.

I really don't think I'll ever return to "The King". I'm not sure why I went in the first place.

NYSE: BKC - Burger King Holdings is selling for $18.97 / share. It's 52-week low is $15.61. This should be a good issue to short. There - I'm making the call "Short BKC". Don't ask me how short or what duration to play - you have to do some of the work yourself. However, I would say that a new low in the next 12- months would make sense - based on the crud I swallowed today.

Finding Population and other data for a defined area

I thought there would be a tool out there on the web where I could pick a location (address) and then pick a radius (10 miles, 20 miles - whatever) and get the population, demographics and maybe some other granular data about the area within the circle. Apparently there is nothing for free. Maybe that is a project / business waiting to happen - although, free is a tough climb. It looks like I can buy tools (CD/DVD) or buy a subscription to get down to "block" level. Not city block, but census block (used for elections etc).

The best I could do for free was a database at the US Census Bureau Factfinder . There is some good information here and it's probably close to accurate. ZipSkinny is another site that seems nifty. It pushes essentially the same data - presented by zip code. Zip code sorting could be more helpful or less helpful but it's another pile. ZipSkinny can deliver side by side comparisons - nice. The source is most likely the 2000 census. I can see a way to create the kind of data I'm looking for by making some assumptions. If I want to look at a relatively small region, say - Southeastern, NH it wouldn't be too tough. For example: if the 10 mile radius from a particular address swallowed up 15% of a neighboring town, we could say that 15% of the population was within the radius section. Yes indeed, we could be slicing off the heaviest concentration of a particular town or the lightest. This would fuzz our % of the town conclusion but it would still be a decent representation. If the radius clipped pieces of a few towns, the errors +(-) about concentration would tend to offset.

If you know of a site where this data is organized as I've described, let me know. That would be worth ten bucks to someone.