Saturday, January 24, 2009

Vomity.com announces hiring freeze

Vomity.com, the worlds largest adjective lobby group, announced that it will reduce its potential staff by up to 3,000 people. A spokesperson for Vomity.com said, "This is an unfortunate new reality for Vomity.com. The company was going to add up to 3,000 people in the next 12 - 18 months, but now that's not going to happen."

The freeze comes just as Vomity.com announced that earnings for the 4th quarter of 2008, were $.75 vs $0.40 in Q4 2007. Analysts estimates were for the company to earn $.50 for the period. The 75% increase in earnings was a pleasant surprise on Wall Street and on Main Street. The company also reported revenue of over $36 for the period. When asked to comment on the company's quarter and outlook for the future, Vomity.com issued the following statement:

"We're thrilled to report the big pop in earnings. We kept our costs in check and tried to be more efficient in every department. We took in $36 counting the $5 we found in the pocket of those jeans that I hate wearing because they fall off as I walk (I have no ass). We did not recognize the gain from the time when the guy at Subway gave us change for a twenty, when we only gave him a ten. We know we should have corrected the error and returned the money, but given the economy and the fact that the sandwich - upon closer examination in the QC operation, came up nearly an inch and a half short of the advertised 12 inches - we are keeping the money in reserve. The $.75 in earnings in directly attributable to the fact that we found that $5 in the jeans. It was a scary time. Our outlook for 2009 is cautiously optimistic. We are however, not going to hire 3,000 people. We can't pay them and we expect that will prevent us from going ahead with it. We're probably going to fold soon anyway."

Shares of http://www.vomity.com/, were down way way more than 20% in after hours trading.

No comments: