Oh GE GE GE GE Geez

At $10.95/share...

"The $1.24 dividend now delivers an 11% annual rate. They committed to paying the dividend (good thing). As long as that news doesn't change, getting paid to wait for a recovery by holding GE seems to be a splendid idea."

At $8.51/share...

The dividend gets cut by two thirds.

This should factor back to the cash position and the stock should gain something as a result, but at <$9 - big deal.

Just when I thought I was clever.

Area woman only enjoys miniaturized versions of things

MANHATTAN, KS—Though she has been known to tolerate full-sized items on occasion, local woman Barbara Elsinger, 41, can only derive pleasure from, take an interest in, and exhibit affection toward miniaturized versions of things, sources reported Tuesday.

Elsinger displays a variety of objects tiny enough to receive her affection.
A veterinary assistant who specializes in the care of toy poodles, miniature schnauzers, and dwarf hamsters, Elsinger—or Barb, as she prefers to be called—is reportedly unable to resist the charm of any object, animal, or food item rendered at a reduced scale.

"I have literally seen her squeal with joy at the sight of a cocktail weenie," said husband Bernard Elsinger, who met his wife seven years ago at his nephew's peewee-league baseball game. "I don't know what it is about smaller-than-normal stuff that she is so drawn to, but nothing makes my wife happier than experiencing something at one-quarter its usual size."

Elsinger's fascination with tiny things began when she received her first dollhouse at the age of 5. Before long she was learning the piccolo, competing in ping-pong tournaments, and asking Santa's elves for a Shetland pony each Christmas.

By age 18, she was attending a small liberal arts college, where her love for M&M Easter candies and pocket packs of facial tissue continued to grow. After graduation, she worked for a short time as a contributing editor at Reader's Digest, but soon realized her career path lay elsewhere.

She started working part time at the animal hospital in 1991.

"Oh, look at his tiny little ears!" Elsinger was overheard to exclaim when a four-week-old kitten was brought to her clinic earlier this week. "Aww, and his little coat and boots! Isn't that adorable? Hold on, I need to get a picture of this."
Reached for comment, Elsinger's mother, Danielle Millari, confirmed her daughter's passion for all things diminutive.

"As a girl, she used to wake up every morning and beg us to make her a short stack of silver-dollar pancakes," Millari said. "And I still remember the time I had to pull her, kicking and screaming, off the "It's a Small World" ride at Disney. When we got home, she spent hours crying in her tree house until we lured her down with fun-sized candy bars."

According to sources close to Elsinger, some of her other favorite things include dioramas, petits fours, charm bracelets, those tiny soaps people leave out when they have guests, the iPod Nano, clutch purses, button noses, and individual serving-sized packets of anything.

In spite of her enthusiasm for items of limited proportion, Elsinger has complained to friends that such pleasures are "small potatoes" compared to the one thing still missing from her life. There's a tiny hole in her heart that can only be filled by a miniature version of herself: a baby. Though the 41-year-old has spent years gushing over the adorable little fingers and toes of her friends' toddlers, Elsinger and her husband have thus far been unable to conceive a child of their own—a fertility problem doctors have attributed to her abnormally large uterus.

Dow - Adjusted for inflation

Parody of Parody of Parody etc...

Aha! We're saved! Tiger Woods

Here's a chart of the S&P 500 starting the day Tiger announced he would be having surgery and wouldn't be playing... for a while.
.


Today we learn the El Tigre will play in the WGC matchplay event next week. I believe this will trigger the bottom of the economic misery and clear sailing is ahead. I feel much more sure about this than I did about the idea that a portfolio of stocks with all symbols began with "Q" would make me rich in 1998. A predictiion that was unfortunately, only semi-correct.

Buffett

“We simply attempt to be fearful when others are greedy and to be greedy only when others are fearful.” Warren Buffett



It would seem that now might be a good time to conjure up some greed.

Verbose Enthusiasm

After the President's press conference, I may have received an email (sent from a certain Blackberry device), wanting an opinion on how the session went.

Not to be nitty picky, and your enthusiasm is appreciated, and it is certainly a welcomed departure from the past, and I want to listen to every word, and I'm not suggesting you're not awesome, but I'd like to offer a little criticism / advice. Again we're all rooting for you and it could be that so early in the process, you are anxious to "share". Maybe it's just me, but watch that press conference last night and you tell me. Did you give ten pound answers to two pound questions? Yaa. I think so. Most of your responses seemed excessively verbose. It's almost as if you're trying too hard. You're excited and anxious to engage a previously skeptical and disenchanted country. Love it!

The press does ask those multi-part questions that do require multi-part answers.

However, not every question requires the full monty - especially if you get rolling and don't actually give answers to the questions themselves (multi or not).

All-in-all, it was good. Who could have done better? It's a crazy deal. Most people would throw up or soil the garb in that situation. You'll get into the more direct, less voluminous response mode once you're more at ease. It's all still good. Get back in there and save the world. You can do it. You have to.

Well, anyway - it was good to hear from you... or not.
.

Ultimate - The basic rules explained

GE - Bring good things - anything will do for now

Big Big Big company... Bog job... Perspective.

GE dipped below $11/share today. The $1.24 dividend now delivers an 11% annual rate. They committed to paying the dividend (good thing). As long as that news doesn't change, getting paid to wait for a recovery by holding GE seems to be a splendid idea. Schwing Batta!

Come on now... Momma needs a new pair of shoes!
.

Down with the Groundhog Thing - No More Please!

The movie (with Bill Murray) was great, let's leave that as the good part.









Unfortunately, the Day, the story, the animal and the whole process is completely stupid. There - I said it. I'll go again... It's stupid and annoying. Our species should be embarrassed that this silly exercise commands so much attention.

Take Punxsutawney Phil, butcher him and serve him up for breakfast in one final ceremony. Someone might pay a lot of money (donated to charity of course) to have the honor of fatally clubbing the rodent. Perhaps a customized and fully sponsored groundhog guillotine would be the way to go.

Cheney Dunk Tank Raises $800 Billion For Nation

Story

Tuber of the week

DISC assessments and behavior profiles

The DISC assessments classify four aspects of behavior by testing a person's preferences in word associations. DISC is an acronym for:

• Dominance - relating to control, power and assertiveness


• Influence - relating to social situations and communication


• Steadiness - relating to patience, persistence, and thoughtfulness


• Conscientiousness - relating to structure and organization

These four dimensions can be grouped in a grid with D and I sharing the top row and representing extroverted aspects of the personality, and C and S below representing introverted aspects. D and C then share the left column and represent task-focused aspects, and I and S share the right column and represent social aspects. In this matrix, the vertical dimension represents a factor of "Assertive" or "Passive", while the horizontal represents "Open" vs. "Guarded".

Dominance: People who score high in the intensity of the 'D' styles factor are very active in dealing with problems and challenges, while low D scores are people who want to do more research before committing to a decision. High "D" people are described as demanding, forceful, egocentric, strong willed, driving, determined, ambitious, aggressive, and pioneering. Low D scores describe those who are conservative, low keyed, cooperative, calculating, undemanding, cautious, mild, agreeable, modest and peaceful.

Influence: People with High I scores influence others through talking and activity and tend to be emotional. They are described as convincing, magnetic, political, enthusiastic, persuasive, warm, demonstrative, trusting, and optimistic. Those with Low I scores influence more by data and facts, and not with feelings. They are described as reflective, factual, calculating, skeptical, logical, suspicious, matter of fact, pessimistic, and critical.

Steadiness: (Originally referred to as submission by the creator of the method - Martson): People with High S styles scores want a steady pace, security, and do not like sudden change. Low S intensity scores are those who like change and variety. High S persons are calm, relaxed, patient, possessive, predictable, deliberate, stable, consistent, and tend to be unemotional and poker faced. People with Low S scores are described as restless, demonstrative, impatient, eager, or even impulsive.

Conscientious: (Compliance in Marston's time): Persons with High C styles adhere to rules, regulations, and structure. They like to do quality work and do it right the first time. High C people are careful, cautious, exacting, neat, systematic, diplomatic, accurate, tactful. Those with Low C scores challenge the rules and want independence and are described as self-willed, stubborn, opinionated, unsystematic, arbitrary, and careless with details.

Also look at Gregorc... there are others.

With or without a strategy to create an organization in which people have jobs that fit their "way", it almost always ends up that way. However, it takes loads of time and money to weed through the process. The idea that you can discover this information through testing, and avoid having to figure it out for yourself over time, must be considered. It's a system - you gotta like systems!

The theory is neat. The test results appear to be eerily accurate, but not perfect. A profile, test or at least an awareness of personality characteristics has value.
.

Jack of All Trades

Jack rhymes with hack doesn't it?

I read a piece called "What would a professional do?". It almost said what I was thinking, but not quite. He lost me. Instead, I would say...

When you're busy being a jack of all trades, you're competing against professionals. The recipient of your work doesn't care that you are also capable of doing other things. All he wants is the best he can get.

Define a pro as a specialist who does industry standard work for hire. A professional presenter, for example, could give a presentation on anything, not just the topic on which you're passionate about.

When you compete with professionals, you have a problem, because generally speaking, they're better at what they do than you are.

There are three valid ways to think your way out of this situation:

• Hire a professional.
• Be as good as a professional.
• Realize that professional-quality work is not required or available and merely come close.

The first option may require time and money you might not have, presuming that's why you didn't go that route in the first place.

The second is a smart option, particularly if you do the work often and the quality matters. Web design and selling are two examples that come to mind here. The first step to getting good is admitting that you aren't (yet.) Invest the time and become a pro if it's important. Hire a pro and pay attention. Deliver quality and pay attention until you are one yourself.

The third option is the worst idea ever. Does your customer/client/employee actually believe that they haven't been shortchanged by your amateur performance? It is costing you in ways you're not measuring because you're willfully ignoring the consequences? Think of all the sub-pro experiences you've had as a customer, instances where someone was pretending to be a chef or a bartender or a computer jock but just came up short... Were you delighted? Of course not. Don't kid yourself. Amateur work will get you amateur results.

Find out what it takes to deliver the look you require and don't settle for crap. If you make less by doing it that way, then make less. Don't let everyone see what half-baked cheesy standards you consider to be "good enough". Charge more if you have to.

There you have it.

Cuppla Woody Allens

"I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me."

"Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons."

Amish Heater?

Does anyone really buy the "Amish Heater"that has attained the "coveted UL listing"? The scene with the two wood Amish-made mantel covers (one dark stain and one natural) strapped to the back of a horse drawn Amish wagon as it clip clops under a bridge, is quite a convincing image. The bearded Amish men tapping away with their hammers, and carefully eyeing up a board. The Amish gals with the official headgear polishing the cherished furniture. I just want to hear from someone who bought one, and is willing to admit it.

Vomity.com - New Product Announcement

Manchester, NH - In what some are saying appears to be a shift in the business model, the world's largest adjective lobbying group, Vomity.com announced today that they have scheduled the release of a new fragrance.

The CFO (Chief Fragrance Officer) was quoted as saying, "The scent - called 'Very High End Urinal Biscuit', will be sold in sets that include a cologne, a body splash, a foot cream, and an actual urinal biscuit. The products are targeted toward men (but test groups show women enjoy it as well). We think we could be on to something big. The fragrance is unmistakably familiar, yet most people have a hard time placing it. The mystery is assumed to be the key."

The Hero Song

Vomity.com announces hiring freeze

Vomity.com, the worlds largest adjective lobby group, announced that it will reduce its potential staff by up to 3,000 people. A spokesperson for Vomity.com said, "This is an unfortunate new reality for Vomity.com. The company was going to add up to 3,000 people in the next 12 - 18 months, but now that's not going to happen."

The freeze comes just as Vomity.com announced that earnings for the 4th quarter of 2008, were $.75 vs $0.40 in Q4 2007. Analysts estimates were for the company to earn $.50 for the period. The 75% increase in earnings was a pleasant surprise on Wall Street and on Main Street. The company also reported revenue of over $36 for the period. When asked to comment on the company's quarter and outlook for the future, Vomity.com issued the following statement:

"We're thrilled to report the big pop in earnings. We kept our costs in check and tried to be more efficient in every department. We took in $36 counting the $5 we found in the pocket of those jeans that I hate wearing because they fall off as I walk (I have no ass). We did not recognize the gain from the time when the guy at Subway gave us change for a twenty, when we only gave him a ten. We know we should have corrected the error and returned the money, but given the economy and the fact that the sandwich - upon closer examination in the QC operation, came up nearly an inch and a half short of the advertised 12 inches - we are keeping the money in reserve. The $.75 in earnings in directly attributable to the fact that we found that $5 in the jeans. It was a scary time. Our outlook for 2009 is cautiously optimistic. We are however, not going to hire 3,000 people. We can't pay them and we expect that will prevent us from going ahead with it. We're probably going to fold soon anyway."

Shares of http://www.vomity.com/, were down way way more than 20% in after hours trading.

Some trivial stuff... Sorry

Sorry to dish up some trivial things - as if most things aren't...

Coffee is good stuff. Not Dunkin Donuts coffee, or flavored concoctions with syrup, whipped cream and drizzled - a.k.a. "girly coffee". , but coffee coffee. Dunkin Donuts coffee doesn't count. They sell a ton of it though - so maybe it's tamed down (weak) enough to appeal to those who have not acquired the taste for real coffee. Get yourself an espresso type coffee from Starbucks or another similar effort.

Diamonds are silly. I get the scarcity thing, but is that really the case? Are they so stunning that that they are worth the price? I mean - can you really appreciate the brilliance without whipping out your jeweler's magnifying device? Do you need one to demonstrate how much you love someone? I've got your
three-month's salary right here (groin grab).


Larry Bird was awesome. Too bad some of you yutes didn't see it on a regular basis. Everyone looks good in highlight reels, but this guy was clutch and played a game much bigger than his natural ability. I bring it up only because people forget.

Cut the crap with the ridiculous base. I'm sure I've whined about this before, but what's with the super-loud base speakers in your car? That's just not good, not good at all. Since I feel it way over here, sitting right inside that car - you must be in severe pain. What are you thinking? Is that supposed to be cool? Maybe it is and I'm missing something. If you're reading this - good, because I'm sure if I complained verbally, you wouldn't be able to hear me. Geez...

Sorry.